I arrived at the barn. I could feel a rumbling of anger beneath the rib cage, just above the belly button. Like a heartbeat that with every pulse, the anger would swiftly move up to my throat, then back down again… up, and back down. Tears were there too, just behind the eyeballs, but I would not let them go. I wanted to just forget about it, and BE with the horses. Just BE with Jini, without a story. Without telling her that a recent ex-boyfriend had reached out to me to have coffee. Reached out to me after our excruciating heartbreak only a few months earlier. We ended where nothing seemed finished and yet everything seemed finished. I had asked for no contact because he had started a relationship with someone else already, and I wanted nothing at all to do with that show. I wanted to move on. OR I wanted to move into it with him. But, to be the go-to “friend” for coffee, while he’s with someone else!!!???? I was hurting. I was angry. I was grieving us, and our dreams. and now, he’s making them with someone else but wants to have COFFEE!!???
The lump in my throat would not go down. As I was grooming little Juno, ironically (now that I think of it), we were cutting off balls of mud and shit that were stuck to his long winter coat under his armpits and belly. Wouldn’t it be great if I could just cut away the hurt and anger that seemed to be balled up like shit stuck to me…click here to continue…
