What is the purpose of grief…of grieving?… and what are we supposed to do with this intense human emotion?
Two questions I find myself asking daily as I process not only my own but also bear witness to the grief of loved ones in my life.
The first thing that hit me hard in the way in which we process it. Do we give our selves permission to be in it?. I realized that I personally had not fully allowed myself to FEEL the deep and bottomless pit of pain, and other emotions that rise up when we are in essence “letting go” of something be it a relationship or the physical form of a loved one(human or animal).
I realized that not only did I not give my sweet, beautiful human self the honor to FEEL and experience the power of intense sadness, I actually disrespected it by not giving it ANY attention at all.By pretending that it doesn’t hurt THAT bad, and “these things happen all the time…so..no big deal, let’s just move on already…” My poor grief was suffering intense neglect!!!!
I can now look back and see what a big mistake this has been throughout my own life. It goes hand in hand with the difficulty we have in “letting go” and giving full attention to OUR very needs in those difficult times of peeling ourselves away from something or someone in our lives who have helped define not only our existence but reality itself.
A healthy relationship with ourselves, in honoring our emotions, and very personal experience each one of has with grief allows the full spectrum of the life of grief to fulfill her own life cycle. If you try to kill it before her time, she hides and resurfaces in your life as threads of unhappiness or “depression”….you may not even know why 5 years down the road you suddenly feel grief again, but..there it is, and once again, we shove it away or ignore it….
what if we could love the grief?..what if we could love that horrible, heavy, frightening sensation as though we love our children or fur babies? What if we allowed that emotion to carry us into the depths of our human heart to pick up the hidden pieces of gold in there.
Our grief allows us an opportunity to accept one of the greatest gifts we can ever accept. It is an initiation into Grace. Emotions themselves is our entry point into the extraordinary wisdom of the heart..in each and every one of us.
When we lose something/someone we love deeply, our souls experience a sense of separation. It forces a process into a direct relationship with reality.If we can just wait here, in this excruciatingly uncomfortable place. If we can just be the witness and observer (completely free of judgement) for as long as necessary, we will find with the gaze of our humanness, our rawness, and surrender that grief shows us the way back to ourselves with grace, brilliance, and a life force stronger than we can begin to imagine.
Allow yourselves to go here, stay as long as you need for nothing else will do my friends. Nothing else will take you out of it completely. No distractions will suffice. Allow this breaking up of your heart to cut through illusions and bring you back home.